Friday, May 5, 2017

AM I ALONE OR LONELY?

Here I am again! It's been a few months since I wrote. No excuses. Just life. My daughter moved back home with her husband and I've been spending quite a bit of time with her. I'm still navigating life without a husband. Seems strange because it's been 4 years, but there are still moments when we are so close that I wonder why we got divorced in the first place. Then there are moments when I realize exactly the reasons why. I don't feel alone. In fact, I love being alone and independent. I love decorating my house the way I want. Doing what I'm passionate about without feeling guilty that he has to work so hard. Having my own money and buying what I want, when I want, even if it means I'm broke at the end of the month. Making my own choices, whether they are right or wrong gives me  the chance to learn for myself, rather than worry about how my choices are going to effect him. Of course, I still have my daughter to consider, but it's easier for me to make positive decisions for just the two of us. Funny how it takes minus one to drastically change things. 

Being alone and being lonely are two very different things. I do get lonely. I miss having someone to do something with at the spur of the moment. I see an event and I think of how much fun we could have had at that. Then I have the after thought of how I wish I had the friends I used to have. Some days, I wish I just had friends. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of acquaintances and people I could call on to do something with. People I've met through organizations, networking events or social media. For me, it's very hard to reach out to someone new. I worry about how I will navigate my past, present and future through a new friendship. Maybe I just miss being younger, even with all of the drama because at least I wasn't lonely. 

Then there are the friends I have reached out to. The "good" friends, the friends who stood by me through everything, the friends who I thought would always be there. Doesn't work that way. At least that's been my experience. Even when I've told them that I need them, nothing. I get that people are busy. I get busy too. Then I see them doing this or that with other friends here or there, be it on social media or even in person. 

So, yes. I'm alone and I love it,  but I do get lonely. 

GOALS: 
1. Reach out to acquaintances and make them my friends. 
2. Join new groups to find new friends with people I have similar interests with. 
3. Stop being scared to be me. The real me. 
4. Continue to fall in love with myself, but don't rule out the possibilities that may or may not exist. 
5. Try to reach out to those people you lost from your past one more time. 

The worst that can happen is rejection. Frankly, rejection isn't really a bad thing, because if they aren't interested in what I have to offer them, then they don't deserve to know the real me. At the end of the day, that girl is pretty awesome. 




My next post is going to be my thoughts on the new Netflix show "13 Reasons Why". It may surprise you what I think. I surprised myself! Stay tuned. 

"Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island."

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