Tuesday, December 1, 2015

"I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are..." Ya, what she said!



December 1st!

I can't believe it is almost 2016. So much has happened for me this past year and for once, it seems, that it's been mostly good!

However, that doesn't seem to change the fact that I constantly doubt myself. Fortunately, I have been able to manage my depression much better. Those manic moments? Those are still a bit more prevalent than I would like them to be, but battling one symptom at a time is probably best when you carry around more components of mental illness than one would like.

Recently, when I was going through a particularly challenging depressive period, I found out that my mother had once again attempted to sabotage my goals. This time, my response was unique, though. As in, I really didn't have a response. Of course, I vented to a couple of folks just to process, but the typical anger and self deprecation just wasn't there. I see that as a victory! Could it be that I am finally getting closer to standing in my own truth without being so easily broken by criticism? Going through that experience pushed me to prove to myself that I have actually changed and I can achieve what I set out to do. Did you catch that? I want to prove it to myself. I don't need to prove it to anyone else.

Ok, I am mostly trying to speak that into existence because just saying those words is bringing up some anxiety! But, it's a step in the right direction. If you say it enough, one day it might actually become truth.

So, that's why I've decided to have a theme song today. I spent almost my entire life "pretending to be someone else".... so you know what? "I'm over it!" I've been playing this song over and over again all morning and every time, I find myself feeling just a little bit stronger. I hope it just might have the same affect on someone else.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqqqV50zaAc


MARY LAMBERT 

"SECRETS"

I've got bi-polar disorder
My shit's not in order
I'm overweight
I'm always late
I've got too many things to say
I rock mom jeans, cat earrings
Extrapolate my feelings
My family is dysfunctional
But we have a good time killing each other

[Pre-Chorus:]
They tell us from the time we're young
To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it

[Chorus:]
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are, secrets are
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are, secrets are
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what

I can't think straight, I'm so gay
Sometimes I cry a whole day
I care a lot, use an analog clock
And never know when to stop
And I'm passive, aggressive
I'm scared of the dark and the dentist
I love my butt and won't shut up
And I never really grew up

[Pre-Chorus:]
They tell us from the time we're young
To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it

[Chorus:]
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are, secrets are
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are, secrets are
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what

[Chorus:]
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are), secrets are
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are), secrets are
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what

(I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are)
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what


LOVE YOU GUYS!!!






1 comment:

  1. Congratulations on buffering that automatic response reflex! No harm in venting to people who understand and won't inflame the situation. It's healthy. Love the path you're on! Great theme song.

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