Tuesday, December 1, 2015
"I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are..." Ya, what she said!
I can't believe it is almost 2016. So much has happened for me this past year and for once, it seems, that it's been mostly good!
However, that doesn't seem to change the fact that I constantly doubt myself. Fortunately, I have been able to manage my depression much better. Those manic moments? Those are still a bit more prevalent than I would like them to be, but battling one symptom at a time is probably best when you carry around more components of mental illness than one would like.
Recently, when I was going through a particularly challenging depressive period, I found out that my mother had once again attempted to sabotage my goals. This time, my response was unique, though. As in, I really didn't have a response. Of course, I vented to a couple of folks just to process, but the typical anger and self deprecation just wasn't there. I see that as a victory! Could it be that I am finally getting closer to standing in my own truth without being so easily broken by criticism? Going through that experience pushed me to prove to myself that I have actually changed and I can achieve what I set out to do. Did you catch that? I want to prove it to myself. I don't need to prove it to anyone else.
Ok, I am mostly trying to speak that into existence because just saying those words is bringing up some anxiety! But, it's a step in the right direction. If you say it enough, one day it might actually become truth.
So, that's why I've decided to have a theme song today. I spent almost my entire life "pretending to be someone else".... so you know what? "I'm over it!" I've been playing this song over and over again all morning and every time, I find myself feeling just a little bit stronger. I hope it just might have the same affect on someone else.
LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
Posted by Sivaquoi Laughlin
Born and raised in beautiful southern Idaho. Divorced with two gorgeous daughters. Currently living in Boise's historic North End where I write, hike with my 3 dogs and spend countless hours enjoying all that this amazing city has to offer.
Presently surrounded by research, pencils, notebooks and my trusty laptop working on a narrative non-fiction novel, short stories and the occasional freelance grant. When not writing, I try to keep up and savvy on social media, posting to my blog www.behindhersmile.com and spending time with family and friends.