
And then.... I spent some time sending Merry Christmas texts to all of those that I love. One in particular to my parents, which also asked if they would be around this afternoon because we wanted to come by with their presents. Then I received this:
Step-mom: "Go re-read your Dec 20th Blog and think again if I really in good faith should be wishing you anything. But try the real truth and fond memories of all I ever did for and my REAL children (I added the capital letters, but you see that right?) and my true family know the truth."

Fuck, fuck, fuck!!! I am so fucking hurt right now. All I want to do is take apart my razor and CUT, CUT, CUT. This is why I don't have contact with my family, but I bring them back in to somehow make up for what I've done to them and then THIS.
I will never, EVER, believe that Thanksgiving and Christmas are anything but SHIT. Yes, I'll put a smile on my face for my children and I'll follow our tradition of making cookies for Santa, opening new pajamas and reading 'Twas the Night Before Christmas', but I will never stop hating myself. I hope you, (step-mom) feel good about yourself. Talk to your therapist about this and maybe up your medication, because you haven't changed at all. I hope you cry when you read this. I hope you feel guilty for the rest of your life. You don't deserve my love because I am and will always be a better person than you, no matter how fucked up I am. At the end of the day, I try to see the good in anyone, even those that hurt me, until they deliver the final blow. I will NEVER let you in again.
Merry Fucking Christmas to me! I'll just be here spending the rest of the day hating myself. However, I know that I will stop crying, I know I will pull myself together and I know I will still be fucking awesome. Watch me!!